


Undeniable

by JuliaJekyll



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 08:06:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11505183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaJekyll/pseuds/JuliaJekyll
Summary: Aziraphale tried to explain his feelings for Crowley by writing him a letter.





	Undeniable

The first time I saw you, I thought "well, this one's trouble. This one's going to muck things up good and proper. I'm going to need every bit of my angelic strength to deal with this one, and it still might not be enough."  
It wasn't enough.  
First, you got the Man and the Woman to eat the Fruit. Ineffable, I thought. Terrible for the human race, but ultimately unavoidable. I'm not sure whether I told myself that because I really believed it or just to assuage my feelings of guilt for not having managed to prevent it. I was so angry with myself for such a long time because I hadn't been a good enough guardian, a good enough messenger, a good enough angel. I didn't Fall, though, so I suppose it wasn't totally unforgiveable.  
Later, when I saw you on earth in human form for the first time, you were beautiful. Dark hair, dark skin, dark eyes, blindingly white smile. You were a slave, but one well-favored and well taken care of by his human master. He liked you because you encouraged and facilitated his vices. I liked you because you were lovely and strong, but I wasn't quite as demonstrative about it as the senator was.  
Centuries later, when I heard about the Inquisition, I refused to believe that it had been you who'd started it. I just couldn't accept that you would do something like that. It didn't seem like your style at all. You were always more mischevious than violent, and I'd always liked that about you. Even an angel knows that things can't be all ease and roses for humans all the time, which is why I never felt the need to interfere with many of your antics. Indeed, there were times when I couldn't help but admire your...shall we say, _unique_ approach to devilment. You're certainly the most creative of all the demons in hell or outside of it.  
I remember tracking you down one night in Segovia, finding you throwing down glass after glass of unwatered wine in a seedy tavern - even though I knew you tended to prefer classier establishments, even then - and knowing without a doubt that it hadn't been you. I remember smiling to myself before I left.  
Perhaps I should have tried to comfort you, but I don't know if you would have welcomed that. I never mentioned it to you, even after we started corresponding regularly in a friendly sort of way. I figured it was best that we not think about it anymore.  
In the twentieth century I knew that what I felt for you was not the slightest bit angelic. Crowley, I want you, in every possible way. Romantically, desperately, inappropriately, defiantly, and yes, even carnally. It shouldn't be possible for an angel to feel these things, but I do, and I can't deny it. I used to; in fact, I denied it for so long that I can't even tell you precisely when it started, but I can't do it anymore. Perhaps I really have gone native, from living on earth for so long.  
Still, it shouldn't be possible. It's not in a holy being's nature. I question every day how it could possibly have happened, how I could have fallen for you, and I can never come up with any better reason than simple ineffability.  
This explanation won't satisfy you, of course. It's been my answer for everything we couldn't understand for thousands of years, and it's still all I've got. If it really is part of the Plan, though, then you should know the truth. You deserve to know the truth.  
I love you, Crowley. I love you with a burn to rival any flaming sword I ever possessed. I love your wit, your sarcasm, your short temper, the way you're never as bad as hell wants you to be. I could sit with you for hours, for decades, for centuries, and still not be ready for you to leave. I love you, and I need you to know, even if, like me, you may never be able to understand.  
In the end, after all, it all comes down to love. It's a stronger force than either divine or occult influence.  
It's stronger than both of us.

-Your Angel


End file.
